Hi MikeNash. I'll try to answer your questions first.
"The SSR you sent the link to is, I presume, normally closed and the thermostat (eBay UK item number:394041622609) closes at the set temperature thus disconnecting the supply."
No, all the higher voltage DC SSR's I've seen are normally open. You need a thermostat which opens on high temperature, closes on cold. Just as a standard water heater thermostat does. Of course with some simple electronics we can change a thermostat output to NO or NC (normally open or closed if you must, but keeping things simple is nice.
"My three heating element ports are 2 at the top, one at the bottom, is there such a thing as a SSR that, instead of switching the power off, diverts it? That would allow the upper element to raise the temperature of the top third and then use the lower one as a 'dump' for the rest of the day?"
This is easy if you have a standard electric water heater thermostat which already has just such an dual temperature element diversion from upper to lower elements (at least here in the US). You'll have to add a second SSR, one for each element, and use the water heater thermostat to just switch the 12V to the SSR control. Replacement thermostats of any rating will be fine, since you will only be swiching about 6 ma of 12V via the contacts.
Again, many ways to do this electronically, like a couple thermisters, a zener reference and a single quad op amp plus "glue" (resistors and capacitors) but I'm trying to avoid custom electronics. If you can't find what you need, I can help with plan B.
Veggie,
It is wise to oversize the ampacity of a DC SSR and there is no penalty for doing so. The higher rated once will have lower on resistance, and thus for small currents will not need much heat sinking, if any. I agree that some skepticism in the rated ampacity should be applied, as they are made of Chinesium and specification were written by the marketing department. I have used them well under the rating and they do seem to work and hold up fine.