Author Topic: Australia, One disaster after another!  (Read 517 times)


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Australia, One disaster after another!
« on: March 08, 2020, 01:04:54 PM »

As anyone that's not been dead for some months would know, not too long back we had terrible Bushfires here that wiped out Millions of acres of bush and farmland, destroyed over 1000 Homes and many more sheds and various property and cost a Number of lives.

That came to an end as did the Drought in many places when the rains came and everything that hadn't been incinerated got washed away.

Now we have the effects of the Corona Virus threatening us in ways no one foresaw even though the cases here have been very few, it threatens to break the will of the people here that was unyielding in the months before with Drought, fires and flood. 

We, the long suffering, beaten down, at wits end people of Oz are now facing what is fast shaping up to be our biggest challenge and potentially most monumental Hurdle of all.  Few saw it coming but we are right in the grip of what could easily tear us apart and pit people going out of their way to help each other only weeks ago as virtual deadly enemies. 
There was no warning, there was no time to prepare, we are facing one of the most significant problems we have ever faced in this country.

The great Toilet Paper shortage of 2020.   :o :o :o

Yes, that's right, for reasons no one has the first clue about, people have gone into panic that the Corona Virus may mean we run out of Bog rolls and are panic buying in supermarkets and are literally raping the shelves bare of shit rag all around the country.
There are dozens and dozens of people on ebay selling arse wipe which is normaly about $8 a 24 Pack for well over $100 on ebay.  There is not one of them, they are loads of them and the bids keep coming in.

There have been fisticufs in supermarkets where thunderbox essentials have been piled high in trolleys and irate shoppers petrified of the thought of walking round with an unclean backside have tried to take a Packet of the shithouse supplies and come to screaming, scratching  fights where store staff and managers have had to step in and call police. 
That's not an exaggeration, it's happens MANY times so far and is on YT etc.

The corona Virus is being blamed on the potential shortage of shit roll but just as no one can explain what started the bog roll buy up, likewise no one can explain how a product made in Oz is going to be made in short supply by the corona virus.
None the less, the 3 Ply extra soft potential shortage is causing far more consternation ( No, not constipation, Consternation!!)  than the disease wiping out thousands abroad our burnt and soggy beleaguered land.

Supermarkets are imposing strict Purchasing limits, extra security is being called in to prevent staff being abused and assaulted and company CEO's and political leaders are calling for Calm. This is absolutely real. And completely mind numbing to those still with a functioning brain standing back on the sidelines looking and just saying " What the Fu...... ???"

Why the fluck in this country people are so worried about dunny roll instead of stockpiling something worth while like beer, Frozen meat pies,
Ciggies and the country's most Holiest of holly grails, Vegemite, Ill be a dead dingo's Donger if I can explain! 
It's a crisis the likes of which we have never had to endure before.

Made the Community facewaste page last week and stirred great outrage that someone had Filled a Van with the soft, fluffy white new Aussie gold and was selling it by the roadside for only 5X the normal supermarket price. I'll bet those people sure are pissed now they missed that particular stock market like share trading opportunity and didn't buy the lot!  Going prices on ebay would have returned a 150% yield already!

All brands, types, plys and even recycled arse cloth is in huge demand but why in hell anyone would think of using recycled bog paper being that someone else has already used it is well beyond my comprehension!  :-[

Some other things, Hand Sanitiser, disinfectants and Rice ( Giving a clue to those most likely behind this shortage, probably hoarding the arse paper with the baby formula) are also becoming in short supply.  For some reason the toilet tissue has taken on a value more than gold.         
I was reminded by a friend today to be very aware of the client I have coming here tomorrow. She warned after Personally seeing an altercation in the local aldi over bog cloth hoarding, not to worry about putting valuable out of sight but taking the extra bog roll out of the Thunderboxes and only leaving a minimal amount in case we are robbed of the precious 3 ply.

Luckily, being married to a good woman who always likes to have 6 Months supply of everything on hand ( whether it has a shelf life of 3 days or not!) we should be able to complete our ablutions in comfort and wash any little " Slip ups " off our hands with the finest antibacterials I keep telling her not to buy as they stuff up the septic tank. 

Of course Myself, always one to be prepared, have a 20 Litre Drum of industrial strength Chlorine and a bag and a half of Potassium Hydroxide up the shed which will kill any bacteria or Virus and the bastard carrying it in here as well.  >:(

But I need your help fellow slow speed Diesel Degenerates.  After all we have been through we cannot survive the great Dunny roll shortage alone. Spare a thought not only for the sick, the infirm, homeless, the elderly and the afflicted whom are usually a bit on the nose anyway, but rather those of us whom bathe regularly and wish to maintain a Minimum standard of hygene especially around our nether regions.
I need you my dear old farts and friends to pitch in, to go to your nearest Big box store and purchase as much bog roll as you can afford ( 3 Ply Minimum only please, none of that hard scratchy or thin finger poking through stuff thanks) and forward it to those of us in need.  Send it to me and I'll make a Killing on eba.... errrr,,,, See it is distributed to the needy and on the nose whom have run out and desperately need your international help.

Please, open your hearts to help your fellow brothers, sisters and their children whom are in need and do what you can to give us the most basic and essential human needs to get us though this monumental Crisis. It may just be a bog roll to you but to some of us whom are paying more per square Inch that satin sheets just to wipe their arses on, it's the gift of .... insanity??

We have not let the Drought and fires and floods get us down but epic Skid marks on our Reg Grundys may just be too much for us to bear.
Please do what you can to help us in our time of greatest need.

Thank you .


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Re: Australia, One disaster after another!
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2020, 03:27:06 PM »
My kids as baby's were raised on reusable diapers made from cotton sheet, ya guessed it machine washable.

This Bidet will even massage a woman's clitoris.



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Re: Australia, One disaster after another!
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2020, 06:23:52 PM »
Welcome to island life glort.  TP is always the first thing sold out at Costco here on the Big Island when some emergency comes along.  No fist fights or anything but just an MT pallet where the 6 cubic foot bundles of TP are suppose to be.  Dock strike in Holland - Holy poop, let's get to Costco before we're left out in the crapper with no recourse except to pullem up and march to the shower.  Yup!  I checked out our stock friday and the cupboard is full.  Thank the Lord of Poop.

I'm gonna have to agree with our leadershipness here in the states.  Too much ado about Corona and we're both way over sixty.  80% of the deaths are folks over 60.  So should all you youngsters get out there, get contagious and relax?  Unfortunately, I think you can still carry for a while. 

The big question for this group of real men is what do you do with a wet hairy ass once the Bidet has finished its work?  I don't want a papier-mâché butt: Do you?  This has been a burning question since my Italian friend told me about his DIY Bidet of plumbing a dish rinser from the kitchen onto his WC supply line.  Now that would be a papier-mâché arse.  Must move on; Away from this disturbing imagery.

glort is right.  There is no end of the tragedies facing us this decade if this first quarter of this first year is any sample.  How about setting up a "fund me" program?  Let me know glort and I'll be the first $3.14 contribution.  Pi day is Saturday or I'd contribute more.  It could get worse.  A boat load of bad peppers could arrive just before Cinco de Mayo.  A burning situation and nothing on which to write the solution.

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Re: Australia, One disaster after another!
« Reply #3 on: March 08, 2020, 11:29:35 PM »
Long as there's grog and goon things will be fine.


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Re: Australia, One disaster after another!
« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2020, 09:27:09 AM »

I was speaking to a client today about this. She too was at a loss to explain why the run on bog roll and not food.
As we agreed, don't eat, don't Sh.. , don't need poo cloth in the first place.
How can treatment of ones end product be more important than Food?

Also can't figure why arse wipe which is made here, is going to be affected more than anything else?  Could understand Imported goods but something locally made seems to have no reason.

I think I'm going to cash in on this. I'll buy up all I can and then get on face waste and twitted and start rumors that cat and dog food, face cream and soap is going to run out because of Corona Virus. Once the supermarket shelves are stripped bare, I'll open my warehouse and sell the lot at 8x the normal price.... Orrrr,

I'll negotiate on good running Listers or gold bullion. 


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Re: Australia, One disaster after another!
« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2020, 10:27:40 AM »
Before the days of 2,3 and 4ply bum roll we used last years Red Comb Catalogue (A Qld rural Retailer) bit abrasive but an interesting read while you were waiting. Nowdays catalogues are glossy and only about 10 pages completely useless for the task and only advertise boring stuff.


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Re: Australia, One disaster after another!
« Reply #6 on: March 09, 2020, 12:43:35 PM »
I was thinking Phone book paper may be OK but they are about a 10Th of the size they used to be if that and I haven't seen one in 10+ years.


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Re: Australia, One disaster after another!
« Reply #7 on: March 09, 2020, 06:02:01 PM »
Well, I for one welcome the Great Bogpaper Shortage of 2020... because it forced me to go on Amazon and do a search. And now, I can confirm, that for a mere sixty pictures of the Queen's head (god save her), I can have this:


Yep - a Bidet attachment - forever freeing me from the tyranny of Big Bogroll.

It's even got "feminine cleaning", although disturbingly, the pictogram is not of a lady's front bottom...
1x Lister CS Start-o-Matic (complete, runs)
0x Lister JP4 :( - Sold to go in a canal boat.