I know my life has had some drastic changes this year. I can only hope even though I was not able to complete the task of getting everyones engine over here I can only hope that it was my enthusiasm that prompted people over here to purchase an engine or more from the UK. My goal is for 2012 to be a better year and move forward. I may have been down but I am not OUT. I have been without a computer for a spell and hope to resolve that soon. Dr Death   PS I still feel that family is first and for most.

I have not posted for awhile. I have been going to counseling and I have found that I am not such a bad person. I am still not sure what path my marriage will take but I am getting closer to dealing with what I perceived the negative path when I first posted this. I have found through counseling and faith my original path my not have been such a big negative in my relationship. I still want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for all of the comments. Even the ones I took as negative at the time. I am not the monster I thought of myself and I do believe that everyone should have some things in their life that make them happy. I was not cheating or going to bars spending my money. Thanks again. Mike DD

Listerboy I do not wish to pass judgement on anyone. But at this time in my life you are right I would like to make it work. I have not said anything about the negative and I might have to face it but now my only prayer is Gods will be done. If that happens it will be the right choice. I am not ready to face the other choice. If it happens I hope I can look to God to help me not become bitter with him of my wife. It was both of us who RAPED the marriage. Mike DD

When it becomes a DODGE let me know. LOL  Mike DD

Bob you are right on track about a therapist. Men seem to think is is a sign of weakness if the would have to see a therapist. Men are more inclined to go to a friend. Going to a friend unless you goal is to first see what your problems are and if you are willing to fix them. Friends tend to agree with everything you say so the problem never gets solved and it could get worse. So you have 2 choices. Get the problem fixed then see if you are compatible or move on to find someone who is willing to over look the problem. The problems with hearing instead of listening and looking instead of seeing is something that not many people like to tolerate for very long.

So I guess all I can hope for is to work on my problems then see if the change will be enough to save a marriage. I might not be given the chance to prove it but at least I will in the long run benefit from it. I would like to clear up something that I may have let people believe. My wife and myself were very much involved in Gods word. This is why I have been so hard on myself because we got away. Sometimes women are big enough or have enough faith that men can stray away and the wife will keep up the role of the male until the male gets his head on straight. It is very clear in the bible it is the mans role in this. No excuses.

My first marriage lasted 27 years. If I had listened to counselors back then maybe I would be at 37 years. I guess I will never know. All I know now is I have invested 10 years and I have the choice to move on and maybe have someone 5 years or pray I will have the chance to have another 30 years. Time will only tell. I still thank everyone for the support. I will never be able to put into words how much it has meant. Mike DD

Thank you Bob. Phone conservations are still a little difficult. Mike DD BTW when is you ETA to Kansas. It might be good since my daughter lives in Lawrence and my wife could go on up there and spend some time with the grandchild when the unpacking gets done.

This topic is not engine related but it is to the largest group of friends I have. Life is a wonderful experience and yet it can take you to the lowest form of living anyone would care to experience. I say this because I am at that point right now. It might seem strange to have a post like this but I do consider the many people who I have never met to be some of my closest friends.
 
I have come to a time in my life that half of my heart and all of my soul seems shattered. I don't believe it is a weakness when a man turns to his friends in a time of need. I feel that is what friends are for.

Who I am most upset at is myself that I have had blind eyes and deaf ears when someone so very special in my life was speaking. God teaches us to be kind and listen to others needs and it seems I have been anything but that. Why is it that the people we love the most get treated the worse.

I had a rude awakening a week ago and as it is not official it seems it could go that way any day. So I just continue to wake up and wonder if this is the day the remainder of my heart will be destroyed.

I hope and pray that anyone who is married will remember that having and playing with engines or any other hobby to some extent needs to be OK with both parties. It is not the engines or the hobbies that has caused this but the relationship I have put towards the hobbies that has caused this. I know that in the future if I do something my wife is not interested in I will pay closer attention to her and less of the hobby.

I guess my request from this post would be that anyone who has a relationship with God to think about me and maybe remember me in a prayer that Gods will be done in my marriage. It will be the only way it is healed.

If you don't pray an encouraging word would be helpful also. Since I don't have family close by my largest source of support is with this forum.

I am sure what ever the outcome I will survive I just hope I will be allowed a second chance to survive happily. Thank you, Mike DD 
     

I need everyone who has purchased engines for the 1st container to get with me. I have some information. Mike lisenby